[vc_row][vc_column width=”1/1″][vc_column_text]At this time of year, if you mention red tape you probably think of the sticky stuff you’re putting on your parcels ready to go under the tree.
But outside the festive season, it’s more likely to make you think about all those rules and regulations that seem to make life so complicated.
So what if you’re in both the festive business and you have to worry about the other sort of red tape too? How would that work….
Here we find out, listening in on an exclusive interview between legal experts from an unnamed firm of lawyers (X) when they scooped an interview with the man himself.
X were granted the seasonal slot with Santa Claus to find out how he manages to deal with all of today’s legislation.
They met up with him at his offices in Korvatunturi in Lapland, northern Finland…
XX: May I start by thanking you, Mr Claus, for taking time out to talk to X in what must be the busiest time of the year for you.
SC: Please call me Santa; and it’s a pleasure to talk, what’s top of your list this year then?
XX: What we’d really like to know is how you manage all the red tape. Frankly we’re concerned that, beneath your jovial ruddy exterior there could be a rebellious anarchist who flaunts the laws of every country he visits.
SC: Good heavens! What on earth are you talking about?
XX: Well, take the working conditions of your employees. Your core business activities are based here in Korvatunturi and so it is subject to European Union laws and regulations – including the Working Time Directive. Do you know this limits employees’ working hours to an average of 48 per week? How can your workforce possibly produce toys for all the children, not to mention perfume and silk scarves for the ladies, and joke socks and polyester ties for the gentlemen without contravening those rules?
SC: Let me explain. The first point is that most of the elves have opted out of the Working Time Directive, which is perfectly lawful. Secondly, I have a huge workforce. When the sun sets on Korvatunturi there are as many elvish feet sticking out from the bedclothes as there are stars in the heavens. In fact, now that production is so mechanised and only a handful of elves are involved on the shop floor, most become lawyers and join my team that advises me on the rules of all the countries I visit.
XX: What about animal welfare? How can you justify making a land-bound animal such as the reindeer fly through the air at Mach 5 hauling a sleigh? Surely you will plead guilty to causing unnecessary suffering to animals contrary to section 4 of the Animal Welfare Act 2006?
SC: But all my reindeer fly by choice; they receive rigorous training at Red Nose Rudolph’s Flying Academy and only the very best pilots are chosen for my sleigh. It is a great honour for them.
XX: We are also concerned about counterfeiting branded goods in your factories here. Do you realise that this contravenes section 92 of the Trade Marks Act 1994 and that you could be sentenced to up to 10 years in prison?
SC: I plead not guilty to that one too: section 92 requires the intention of making a gain for oneself or causing loss to another. I am never paid for any of the goods I drag down the chimney. I rarely get so much as a mince pie and a glass of sherry now that no one seems to believe in me anymore.
XX: You can’t deny that you are delivering goods by air – have you got the permissions you need to cross other countries’ air space?
SC: I’m from an EU country so I don’t need a special permit to deliver goods by air to the UK or any other EU state. The other countries are a different matter, and I have to admit that my lawyers keep a close eye on the territorial waters – I can’t afford to have any stopovers on the job.
XX: But if you contravene air safety regulations you can be banned from delivering presents to EU destinations under Regulation 2111/2005. And what about air traffic regulations? Since you have to fly by night and through clouds your sleigh needs sophisticated equipment for flying in Class B airspace. Do you expect our web site visitors to believe that your sleigh is equipped with, for example, an operational Mode C transponder and that you hold a full instrument rating?
SC: You are very naïve if you believe that my sleigh is like a Victorian children’s picture. Its olde world appearance conceals a host of electronic wizardry which my learned elves advise me is fully compliant with all applicable laws. As for flying training, have I not told you that my reindeer are trained pilots, qualified to the highest standards? I have to be honest, I leave it all to the experts… all I have to do is to look jolly and call out “Ho ho ho, a merry Christmas one and all”.
XX: Santa, you have an answer to everything – all that red tape seems well stuck down. If any of your legal elves are looking for a move to X we’d be happy to have them….
Web site content note: This is not legal advice; it is intended to provide information of general interest about current legal issues.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]
